THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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