Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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