You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
