Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
