At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
