my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
