Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
