The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
