Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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