whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
