seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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