Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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