Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He shit in the fireplace
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
