my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
