toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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