he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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