we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
