do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
