You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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