i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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