We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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