The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
