Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
