What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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