ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
