i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
