Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
