U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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