Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
