My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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