it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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