Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
