Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
