I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
