Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
