I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How naked do you want me to be?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
