she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
