a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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