Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
