i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
