did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
