We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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