i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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