Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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