There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
