After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
