I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
