There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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