I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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