Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
