Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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