Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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