why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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