I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
